Hello! Sunshine!
How’s your week so far?
I was a sunflower long before Post Malone sang it to me. I’m a Leo. This is my season. I love the heat, the sun, the humidity, the deodorant fails.
Yes. To. All. Of. It.
I make inspire my family to create a summer wish list every year and we try our darndest to check boxes off. amusement parks, AfroFest (RIP this year), strawberry picking, making fancy pants galetas. Outdoor movie is the dragon we’re still chasing. We always try but miss.
Dropping in right quick to share my new approach to spending time this summer. It’s right for right now and I’m loving how it makes me feel.
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Let’s roll!
How do you feel about the word selfish? I mentioned to a dear friend that I was describing my summer as selfish and her response was the perfect mix of concerned, unfiltered, and protective.
“You know I don’t like that word. What about self-care?”
But we quickly ruled out self-care as it’s too surface level.
Don’t come for me! I like masks, pedicures. I’m bougee and only bathe with candles but I also like to layer in higher level self-efficacy. That’s the crux of Yescessary - daily, intentional prioritizing of activities that empower me, bolster me, and make me believe in myself, not just the ones that soothe and relax.
SelfISH is my new play word. I’m claiming and reframing it in this post. It’s been the key to my first fantastic summer in a whiles.
Here's how I pronounce it - self-ISH as in kinda. Kind of about me (mostly) and kind of not. The Kenya Barris ISH. Playful ISH.
Well-intentioned. Self-directed.
What’s spurred my selfISH summer? All the selfless summers prior!
The popular opinion about summer is how AMAZING, how FREEING, how LOOSE, how RELAXING it is.
I say “poppycock”! (too often for a moderately hip woman of Caribbean descent).
For most working parents, this season is stressful and messy AF. Bien sûr, summer with kids has many bright spots, but let’s put our “get real” shades on – for many of us, it’s hella chaotic, exhausting, and money ah gone draining.
By the time September rolls in, we’re so ready to fill backpacks with those curated Bento box lunches, anything to get our family schedule back on track.
Our summer wish list was built on what was good for the fam. I’m sure what I wanted was mixed in too, but was it? Reflection is a tattletale.
I didn’t realize I was laying the foundation for my new selfISH approach to summer in May.
convos were had and it worked
that I could spend not one, not two, but
THREE weekends up north. And not
with the peeps –
SO.LO.
Putting the “me” in amiga folks.
That time alone, cocooned for three x 48-hour stints unlocked what I wasn’t expecting.
I asked myself for the first time –
Embracing my inner dork with that phrasing.
When we’re all “back” in September (I’m still working like MAD now, but hypothetically, if it were asked) how would I know if I had a “good” summer?
That precious solo time revealed that in this season of life I don’t want this summer to be about what WE did – I want this summer to be about how I felt.
The pronoun swap and adding the feels is the shift.
The last two decades have been about me focussing on others and other things (work + kids + LIIIIIIIIIIIFE), I feel like I’m just cracking the surface on my own needs. That’s why Yescessary was such a thunderbolt for me. It’s given me clarity on what activities put me in a flow state, make me feel empowered and help me believe in myself.
But my self-support system and platinum prioritizing always flies out the window in July and August because building an unforgettable family summer wasn’t about me. But what if it were?
Totally not apologizing how selfISH sounds! It’s a siren song to my tired-assed ears. We live up to so much as women and for those of us that layer in caregiver, it means our needs are often in the back seat - with child lock.
SelfISH does not mean solitude for me. Spending time with my family and friends is something I want to do. Mostly. Us ambiverts need to mix it up. Oh - calling that a mélange a moi!
1. Biweekly 24 - 48 hours (plus) solo.
Instead of heading back to the city on Sunday with the fam, every couple of weeks, I stay a day up north on Monday. We inherited a modest, charming, wood all over da place cottage and my soul is happiest there. A quiet day to bang away at meetings, eat my lunch alone, and truly FOCUS has been a nice way to both conserve and use my energy.
2. Slow morning remix.
When I can swing it, I take my first couple of morning meetings at home and then commute to the office mid-morning. I can’t do it every day, but when I do, my early mornings are a beautiful slow trot versus all out gallop.
3. No more wish lists!
Ditching a list is like going commando for me. Wild, freeing, a tiny bit mischievous and a secret. Not that I would know…
4. I’m saying no or going to events for less time.
So many obligations in the summer! Or maybe not? I’m doing a better job of visualizing myself at an event and tuning into how I feel. If it’s giving nah vibes, I listen.
5. Saying yes to catch ups with my gals.
If we’re gonna hang, it’s a Happy Hour date at 5:30pm or 6pm. We gab, we laugh, we cheer, and we out by 8.
6. Resting like my life depends on it.
I’m finally learning to sit, exist, breathe, and stop moving this summer. On weekends, I do a no lights, no sounds (ear plugs IN) fifteen-minute sensory rest. Try it! It’s a super effective power down.
Now for my mid-summer report. I’ve had some GIANT wins so far this summer.
Clean rest and extended solo time have sharpened my intuition and awareness. I’m connecting and noticing things about my family that I haven’t seen before. I don’t have a lick more patience, but I do have heightened perception!
I’m engaging in creative play.
I adore this newsletter as it forces me to do more than work fourteen hours a day and drive my kids around. But I also used to write fiction. And poetry. Are you surprised? I haven’t in ages, but I started up again this summer.
I’m having Body Cam days.
GLORIOUS, HOT DAMN days where I wish I could have recorded the whole freakin’ thing (hence body cam) just because it was so perfect. And they’re simple. Loving. No raves or binges for this lady.
I don’t have the footage, but trust me, it was perfection.
I want to temper Body Cam Days with the fact that I’ve also had some gut punch, devastation days this summer. I’m talking bring the smelling salts, smack my cheeks, omg was not expecting that lie downs.
Still human over here. Still dramatic AF. BUT – them Body Cams Days made up for it!
The kids are a’right.
I asked my kids if they noticed anything different about this summer. They said grunted “no.” Know why? They’re having their own AMAZING selfISH summers! They didn’t even notice the missing wish list. Gah.
I see now, all those years of corralling, cramming in, and making unforgettable summers (while working full-time!) was for me. I did it to myself.
Tracks.
I try so hard for others. I’m not in the least bit selfish. But now I AM. Hell ya.
It’s not too late to ask the questions!
Are you having your kind of fun?
Are you truly choosing how you want to spend your time?
Are you carving out time for clean rest? (Acknowledging how challenging this is, but when you prioritize, things happen.)
What small adjustments can you make to feel even BETTER about time spent this summer?
I learned it didn’t take much to make the switch (from we to I) and that ironically, my selfISH, self-directed summer still has a ton of we.
WEEEE!
Making it a quick splash and dash this month because, ya know, sunning myself. There are more Body Cam days to be had. I’d love to hear how you’re making this summer work for you!
If you know someone who would enjoy this post, please forward to them.
Your people are my people!
Besos!
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Hello! It's me, AG.
Hi! I'm Andrea Griffith (a.k.a. AG), a TV exec, writer, speaker, eye roll-inducing proud mama.
Yescessary is the love child of yes and necessary - the word I use to describe my personal philosophy of living with my purpose and my priorities in the pole position. Let’s add passions. So many p’s!
This newsletter is where I share funny moments, helpful strategies and everything I'm learning as I build a meaning-full, content life.
FOLLOW ALL THINGS YESCESSARY IN MY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS.
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